Cat Neilan cringes at the stuff she used to say before she had a baby...
It was so easy before. Back when you could be the person silently judging other people’s parenting skills, whether it be screaming kids running riot, public displays of affection for their little darlings or indulgent habits that are clearly leading straight to the psychiatrist's chair.
But now you’re a mum and you view the world through mum goggles (like beer goggles only less rational). Everything looks different. It’s not just you who has changed; it’s the entire world...
What you said then: “Urgh, another baby photo on Facebook. Just like the other 367…”
What you say now: “I’ll just put this picture on Facebook. It’s so different to the other 367…”
What you said then: “Baby poo! Get it away from me. Yuck!”
What you say now: “Baby poo! Now let me just check it’s the right colour…”
What you said then: “Heatwave! I can’t get enough of that glorious sun!”
What you say now: “Roll on the autumn. It’s just too hot for his delicate little body!”
What you said then: “Co-sleeping is a bit… weird.”
What you say now: “Co-sleeping is the only way I get any sleep at all.”
What you said then: "Breastfeeding in public takes guts. I don't think I could get my boobs out just like that.”
What you say now: "Huh? My boob's out? Oh, yeah, sorry about that."
What you said then: “I wish I just had a bit more time for myself.”
What you say now: “HAHAHAHA!”
What you said then: “Why bring babies on public transport at rush hour? It’s not like they don’t have the rest of the day to travel!”
What you say now: “I really wish he’d woken up earlier/not spent the whole day screaming. There’s nothing I hate more than being stuck on a train with a buggy and a crying baby while commuters stare angrily at us…”
What you said then: “When I’m a mother, I’ll have no problems with controlled crying. It’s the only way they’ll learn.”
What you say now: “Are you sure the monitor’s working? Shhh! I think I heard something. Maybe I should check on him, just in case…”
What you said then: “How much chaos can one small person cause, really?”
What you say now: “How much chaos can one small person cause!?? Really!??”